The Tipping Point

In Febuary 2010 i went to my GP to get my combined pill as usual.  He told me that as i weighed *bleep* i could no longer take the pill as it put me at risk of a stroke and heart attacks.  Honestly, i think this was one of the lowest blows ive dealt with -  i dont know why it bothered me so much but i sobbed and begged for my mini pill but my GP wouldn't budge.  So i went home with a prescription for the mini pill in my hand and tears streaming down my mascara smudged face.

In April 2010 i went back to the GP to renew the mini pill.  I had tried to loose a bit of weight during this time to see if i could go back on the combined pill, but it wasnt enough.  My GP, could see i was still upset and suggested that he could refer me for a gastric band.  Gastric Band?!! Jesus wept!  I was so offended and told him i could do this myself, and that i didnt need surgery to loose weight.  I practically told him to kiss my fat ass as i walked out of surgery.

By August 2010, reality slapped me round the face like a cold kipper.  I couldnt do this alone.  I sheepishly went back to see my GP, tail between my legs, eating humble pie (mmm pie) and asked him to please refer me.  It was during this time i started researching the gastric band....

The first hoop was to prove id tried dieting before, luckily the GP had prescribed me stuff in the past (Orlistat and some other foul type of medication).  All that was left was to attend a 6 month weight loss management group at my local hospital - joy.

I met with the Dietician in September.  I was really nervous and not looking forward to some (undoubtedly) skinny wench telling me i needed to loose weight (duh) and excercise.   I was pleasantly suprised to find a sympathetic skinny wench.  She went over my eating habbits, diets, excercise regime and i was honest and open.  She told me that the only way to loose as much weight as i wanted to loose, and to keep it off was surgery.  I was pretty gobsmacked!  She said that although i was obese overweight, i was very healthy.  And this meant that more than likely, funding by the NHS would be refused. 

I spoke to my local PCT (Primary Care Trust) about funding for a gastric band.  They simply told me that unless i had other serious illnesses, there would be no funding for weight loss surgery for someone in my situation.  Oh..so i must be get worse to get help?  What kind of help is that???  It's like telling a smack head that yes, you are addcited to drugs but until you slip into a coma, im afraid the NHS cant help you.  After my phonecall to the PCT i was really pissed off.  Having worked all my adult life and paying my regular national insurance payments (i add here that ive not used NHS resources prior to this) why wasnt i allowed the help i was asking for??  What they were pretty much saying was

a) put on much weight and then we'll help you, or
b) develop type II diabetes

Great choice there...

At this point i started to look into private surgery

How I Arrived Here

Firstly i apologise for the ginourmous first post!  And well done if you manage to stick with it!

I think the last time my weight was appropriate for my height was when i was about 12.  Since then my weight has steadily been on the increase, unlike my salary.

I think my biggest problem is that i really love the taste of food.  Im my family, food is the epicentre of the universe - we laugh, cry, mourn, debate, argue and talk whilst eating.  As ive grown older, food has remained a focus of the typical social gathering.  I eat for every occasion, im really not fussy.  Happy?  Then i shall eat!  Sad?  Then i shall eat something particualrly calorific.  Depressed?  I will eat more crap.  Bored?  I'll pick and eat stuff.  See where i am going with this?

Throughout my teens, i tried to spend as little time as possible at home.  So most of my dinners were of the take away variety, which suited me just fine.  By the time i got into my 20's i was very overweight.  I knew it, and i felt ashamed that it seemed only me that had put on so much weight, whilst the rest of my friends had remained stick insects.  Herein started the eat/diet/purge/guilt cycle.  I'd eat, feel bad and diet for a few weeks, then cave in, then feel bad for being so weak, then id eat again etc 

Its also dawned on me recently, that i have used my fat suit as a test for the men of the world.  I wanted someone to see beyond the fat, and love the woman inside.  Well men out there...you failed!  Which unfortunately leaves me stuck with this fat suit.